Agreement.

"I'm heading out to get lunch. Be right back," she told her colleagues and before they had a chance to reply, she was out of the office.

The moment she came out of the lift, she could see his car parked at the side of the road. "Let's get this over and done with", she told herself, took a deep breath and walked out of the building to the car.

She got into the car clumsily (as always) and saw his amused look. Ignoring it, she said hi to his butler/driver before turning to him, throwing the device at him and sticking out her left hand. He caught it with ease and turned over her hand.


The third day of their agreement and it was not getting any easier. She didn't like this arrangement but it has to be better than having him sending expensive lunch boxes for the entire office and calling at the front desk everyday. While her colleagues didn't mind the lunch boxes, she was bothered. He chose to walk out of her life back then so why is he back here? This little arrangement was the only way to keep her colleagues from nosing around.


"Right. Looks good. You can go," he declared, trying to keep the smile off his face. She grabbed the device from him and was about to exit the car when he said, "Wait. Here's your lunchbox."


"But you ..." she argued.


"I promised to stop buying lunch for your colleagues. Not you," he cut in, a smug look on his face. She snatched the lunchbox from him and stomped back to the office. 


This sucks.


(2 weeks later.)


She climbed into the car and threw the device at him, "Get on with it." she barked. 


He was annoyed but he could also sense that something was not right with her. She looked pale and tired. He caught his butler/driver's eyes and nodded. Not soon after, the car started to move.


"What are you doing? Stop the car. NOW! Fuck this." she yelled and made to open the car door. He reached over and grabbed her arms. When she calmed down, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ears and  left her alone. 


They sat in silence and not soon after, she fell asleep, her head resting on his shoulders. He dropped a kiss on her forehead and smiled. This feels familiar and so right. Gently, he took her phone out of her bag and text her boss. Telling her boss that she won't be back for the rest of the afternoon.


"Drive home, T. And call the doctor. I don't like how she looked today." he instructed his butler who nodded in acknowledgement.


Despite eating better, she's been losing weight. That worried him. Plus, her hands were freezing cold today, even though the sun was blazing. He glanced down at her sleeping form and sighed. Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered, "Please. Let me make it right."

Making it right.

He rubbed the scars on her wrists as she sleeps. Hoping that she would wake up soon but at the same time, hoping that she wouldn't. He knows what would happen when she wakes.

T walked in at the moment, bringing some food, "Sir. Have a drink, please." he said.

"I broke her, didn't I?" he muttered, guilt flooding over him. He looked at her sleeping face and frowned. Even in her sleep, she had to be in control. He remembered how she liked to sleep with her arms thrown over her head last time. But not anymore.

He couldn't believe she didn't tell him what happened. After they found her and caught that jerk of an ex-boyfriend, she pretended that nothing happened. Yes, she went to the hospital to get her wounds treated but she didn't tell anyone about the other thing.

No one knew. No one would have known if she hadn't fainted at home. T called to inform him that she hadn't left her house for a day and her lights were never switched off. Worried, he went to her house and used the key from back then and found her on the sofa. Unconscious.

He rubbed her cheeks with his thumb and her eyes shot open. She's awake.

It took her awhile to register where she was and when she finally did, she quickly pushed herself up. He was about to help her when she said coldly, "Don't touch me."

She grabbed the phone by the bed and told the nurse that she would like to change to another ward. Not this first-class suite that she cannot afford.

"I'll pay for it. Don't do this, C." he pleaded as he watched her walked around the room, collecting her belongings and clothes.

"You've done enough, sir. I can managed from here. Thank you," she said icily and walked towards the bathroom to change. Never once looking him in the eyes. She didn't dare. She didn't want to lose control of her emotions again. Because that's what got her here in the first place.

"Why didn't you tell me about what happened." he questioned her before she closed the door to the bathroom.

"It's none of your business."

"That baby was mine too!" he yelled.

She glared at him as tears start to cloud her eyes. "You can't decide to leave me, disappear and then come back into my life. Get out of my life, G." Slamming the door, she slide down to the bathroom floor and put her head between her legs as tears start to fall.

No. She needs to gain back control of her life. Letting go of it once back then was bad judgement. Letting go of it 2 months ago, was silly. This time, she won't. She won't let him back. She won't rely on anyone anymore.

He stared at the closed bathroom for a long time before T came in.

"I broke her, T. What can I do to make it right?" he asked, a pained expression on his face.

Written without inspiration.

"An extra value meal to go, please," she told the boy behind the counter and handed him the cash.

The past month has been tough. At work. At home. With him. Her health. Guilt starts seeping into her conciousness when she thought about it. She pushed it to the back of her mind, grabbed the paper bag filled with her comfort food and left for her favorite spot by the river.

"I deserve this meal,"she thought to herself as she tore the paper bag open. The smell of freshly fried fries was intoxicating. Comforting. Soothing. Sorely missed.

She took a bunch of fries and was about to put them into her mouth when she heard a familiar voice. A voice she has not heard for years.

"You really shouldn't be eating those." the voice said. Not a request or a suggestion. A command.


She listened to those words by habit and put the fries back into the paper bag.


"Good girl." the voice said. You can hear the smile in his voice. She took a deep breath and turned around. There he was. A smirk on his face and looking like he always does. Ever bit the dream guy of every girl.


He walked gracefully over to the seat beside her and looked up. She turned her head. Not wanting to look him in the eyes.


"What I eat or don't eat is none of your business." she said and stood to leave. 


He reached out to grabbed her arms, "Sit." he whispered, anger seeping into his voice.


"You haven't done your checks this week. The hospital called me." he said.


Shit. Her eyes widened and she turned to look at him. She has forgotten to update her emergency contact.


"Not that I don't already know." he said as he turns her hands over, frowning when he saw the numerous holes on her fingers. He kissed one of the fingers tenderly and sighed. Grabbing her pouch, he took out the test kit.


"No...I don't want to." she whimpered. Afraid. Afraid of the sting. Tired. Tired of having to analyse the results. 


"What does your boyfriend have to say about this?" he questioned. She shook her head and shrugged. "I figured." he continued. 


Holding on tightly to her left hand, he wiped one of the fingers with an alcohol wipe and took up the device. She tried to pull her hand away but he was too strong. "Trust me?" he asked.

She nod. He sighed and pricked her finger, took a drop of blood and stick it into the device. While waiting for the results, he put her finger into his mouth and sucked on it gently. That action shocked her but it took away the sting of the prick.

The device beeped and he looked at the results. "It's amazing that you are still here. Are you giddy? Nauseous? You haven't been eating. You haven't been sleeping well." he questioned. The fact that he knows what she has been doing both comforted and angered her.

"You HAVE to eat, C." he commanded, angry again.

She shook her hands free and stood up, swaying a little as her body adjust to the change. "It's none of your business. You lost the right to question me when you brought me home and left me. I'm not yours anymore. You chose those girls over me." she said as she grabbed her bag.

"I'll update my contact at the hospital. Good day, sir." She quickly turned around so that he won't be able to see the tears in her eyes. The memory of those times, of that day when she woke up alone in her room. They were many years ago. But it still hurts.

He watched her go again. His face twisted in an unreadable expression.

not the only one.

He watched as she slept. The scar on her arms slowly fading to nothing. He stroke her hair gently and eventually fell asleep. A frown on his face, guilt raging a war in him.

A few hours later, he felt her stir and jerked awake. She turned and snuggled into him. Something she hasn't been doing since she came here. Since he took her away from him. He was shocked but tightened his arms around her and smiled.

But as she gradually woke up, she pushed him aside. The snuggle was a habit. A reflex. She thought things were still chirpy. That they were back in the time before he went away, before everything happened. She still can't accept it. Still hated him for what he had turned into. What he had turned her into.

"Don't. Your arms..." he sighed and moved to touch her arms, rubbing the spot where the scar used to be. She didn't jerk away from his touch but glared at him.

"You...have a wife,"she said. Not a question but matter-of-factly.

"Yes, I do." he whispered and moved away from her. Avoiding eye-contact with her. He didn't tell her before. He was ashamed of everything he did to be who...what he is now. Ashamed of the way he treated her when she first came.

Just when he thought things were improving between them. She had to find this out.

"She's...not the only one?" she asked, trying to keep the emotions out of her voice. She didn't want to know but she had to know.

His silence confirmed her suspicion. She blinked the tears away. All this time, he made her feel guilty about falling in love with D when he was gone. All the pain he put her through. All the time.

"Get. Out." she whispered. No energy to yell or shout.

He looked at her and a sudden rage filled him. He didn't know why. But the rage made him grabbed her arm. The arm that just recovered and yelled, "I did what I had to did so I can be here. So we can be together. Don't put the blame on me. At least I didn't fall in love with your best friend like you did to mine. Slept with all those men. Fell in love with my best friend. Got pregnant. Ran away from me."

He shook her and it was not until he saw the blood on her arms and felt that familiar numbing feeling that he stopped. He stepped away from her, disgusted with himself. With what he just said, what he just used to excuse his behavior. And that numbing feeling. It can only mean that he had hurt her. That the pain was coming from her.

Her face was turned away from him. Not wanting to let him see her cry.

"You should have let me died. If you hate me that much, then why rescue me? Let me starve to death. Or remove those locks from the window! LET ME GO! I don't want to try and salvage what's left. Or try and get back to where we were before that car accident. I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE!" she whispered, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I'm...." He didn't have the guts to apologise. He knew that nothing can undo what he had said. He stood up and walked out of her room. It seems like the love he felt for her was doing more harm than good. He thought that they can be happy together. He didn't expect the hatred he had of her initially. Or the hatred she had of him.

They didn't see each other for a long while after that.

Just that simple.

He smiled and nodded his head in acknowledgement before turning his attention back to the discussion. Guess it will be another long wait for her.

She walked passed empty tables and into his office, found a place to put the wet umbrella and stood at the window. The swish-swishing of cars on the roads, the occasional honks from drivers and pedestrian scurrying on the street, trying to stay as dry as possible.

"I'm almost done. Just give me awhile more!" His voice was a sharp contrast to the silence causing her to jump. He rummaged through his desk, found what he was looking for and went over to give her a peck on the forehead. "Be right back," he whispered before dashing out.

Sigh. She sat down on his chair and looked at the clock. 7.15pm.

--

"And that's all for today,"he raised his arms and plonked onto the chair. Chairs screeched on the floor as everyone rushed to leave the meeting room. Brushing a hand through his hair, he went through the notes from the meeting again.

As the last light in the hallway went off, he looked up and saw that it was actually 9pm. Shucks! He grabbed his stuff and ran to his office. She must be furious!

"I'm sor..." before he could finish his sentence, he saw her snuggled and asleep on that tiny sofa in the corner of his office. She has tidied up his desk in boredom. On half-played game of Solitaire on the computer. Her phone on the floor beside her. Must have dropped off when she fell asleep.

She must be exhausted. From the messages she sent him that day, it sounds like she had a tough day at work.

Deciding that work can wait, he went over to switch off his desk lamp. Gently, he scooped her up and carried her to the car. The whole time being careful, not wanting to wake her up.

[going nowwhere]

out we come.

Are you coming? It's getting late.

Throwing the phone back onto the bedside table, she stared into the darkness. He was supposed to be here by 11pm! It's 2am now. Never quite understand why she is trying so hard at this relationship, should have just let it go. Frustrated, she threw her arms over her head and stared at the ceiling.

The phone lit up and vibrated, "I'm 2 blocks away. Practice ended late and there's reporters everywhere. See you at the same place?"

Yeah, yeah. What's new? That's always his reasons. At first, it was okay. Now, it's frustrating. She's always waiting for him. She pulled a comb through her hair and sneaked out of her house. He never come to fetch her. She has to make her own way to the park 5 blocks away. Even at 2am in the morning.

-

She walked quietly over to him and sat next to him on the park bench, not wanting to be the first one to speak. She's angry. Angry for having to wait on him. Fed up.

"I can't stay long. Practice starts at 6am tomorrow," he said.

"Right. Okay then. Bye." she barked back and stood up to walk away.

He grabbed her arms, "What's wrong?"

She glared at him and tears started welling up in her eyes. She don't think she wants to do this anymore. Not being able to text him, not being able to go to the movies with him, not being able to take photos together, not being able to hug him. Nothing.

Instead, loads of waiting. Loads of pretending that he is single. Loads of short meet-ups. He looked around to check for reporters before reaching out reluctantly to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears.

"I can't do this anymore. I don't want to worry about your manager finding out about us or worry about reporters or your fans getting upset. Or pretending that I don't know you. I want to text you when I want to. I want to hold your hands and take long strolls. Go to the cinema. Cuddle up next to you. I can't. I don't even know where you live now. It's like I don't even know you anymore," she cried.

A night runner ran past and he quickly turned around, keeping his head low. She took this opportunity and walked away. He won't come after her. But this time, she was wrong. He did. He took her hands and dragged her to his car.

They drove in silence and stopped in front of a house. He got down and opened the door of the car for her.

'This is where I live with the rest of the boys," he told her fiercely before reaching out to unhook the seat belt.

With a firm grip on her hand, he brought her into the house. Walked passed his groupmates and up the stairs. He opened a door and there was his manager.

As his manager looked up, he pulled her towards him and gave her a brief peck on the lips.

"Sir, this is my girlfriend. Please let the media know that I like her and plan to get her to move in."

something missing.

This feeling. Like I am forgetting something. Not like a book or anything tangible. A person. A feeling.

This feeling. It was there one day. Just appeared.

When a certain song comes on. When the breeze is right. When I walk by certain places. A smile will creep onto my face unconsciously. I don't why I smiled. But I know they are associated with happy memories. With that fuzzy feeling people feel when they are happy.

I tried telling K about it but he just gets angry and walks away. Like he is afraid that I will remember something.

-

"If you want to leave her, leave. Don't visit her at night or leave things for her. You're making it harder than it is," K said and pulled a hand through his hair.

That night when S brought her back, she had scars, bruises and blood was all over her. His kind did it to her. HIS! She was terrified and was screaming from pain. We had to keep her unconscious. Make her sleep. When the injuries were gone, she was still frightened. Always screaming in her sleep, locking herself in the room. Not letting anyone near her.

Gone was the cheery girl. Gone.

That's when they decided that it was best for S to leave. To make her forget and to leave. To protect her.

"I can't. She can't take care of herself," S said.

"Well, it's time she learn to, isn't it? Leave, S. Leave. If she remembers...I don't even want to think about it."

[going nowhere again]