something missing.

This feeling. Like I am forgetting something. Not like a book or anything tangible. A person. A feeling.

This feeling. It was there one day. Just appeared.

When a certain song comes on. When the breeze is right. When I walk by certain places. A smile will creep onto my face unconsciously. I don't why I smiled. But I know they are associated with happy memories. With that fuzzy feeling people feel when they are happy.

I tried telling K about it but he just gets angry and walks away. Like he is afraid that I will remember something.

-

"If you want to leave her, leave. Don't visit her at night or leave things for her. You're making it harder than it is," K said and pulled a hand through his hair.

That night when S brought her back, she had scars, bruises and blood was all over her. His kind did it to her. HIS! She was terrified and was screaming from pain. We had to keep her unconscious. Make her sleep. When the injuries were gone, she was still frightened. Always screaming in her sleep, locking herself in the room. Not letting anyone near her.

Gone was the cheery girl. Gone.

That's when they decided that it was best for S to leave. To make her forget and to leave. To protect her.

"I can't. She can't take care of herself," S said.

"Well, it's time she learn to, isn't it? Leave, S. Leave. If she remembers...I don't even want to think about it."

[going nowhere again]

Been a while since I wrote here. I don't even know if I will ever start writing again.

It feels like I have lost that part of me. That part where images will pop into my head.

That part where I still have the energy to link these images together to form a story.

But here's something that did come into my mind while watching a show. A bit rough, but ohwells.

Facing forward, sitting side by side. Shoulders almost touching but not that close.

Our conversation was random and short. Going on and on about the same thing.

Easy company this was. No walls were necessary. No need to feel the need to be upbeat.

Just easy. Comforting. Relaxing.

Stretching my arms, I stood up and took in a deep breath. Wrong move! "Ah choo! *HUGE SNEEZE* Crap," I said. He looked up with that semi-amused face and shook his head. I know he is about to tease me.

"No! Don't even start! I told you before! I warn people before sneezing! Don't!" I said in an almost whiney voice.

"But..but..Why do you need warn people? It's..." he replied, obviously amused and enjoying my reaction.

We've been through this quite a few times. We know the teasing and "argument" will go nowhere. But it's like a skit that we almost always play out. I know I can just ignore him, but he knows how to poke me. And I CAN'T JUST GIVE UP LIKE THAT!

I got into the animated mode that is pretty rare these days. Explaining my theory and when that failed, teasing him right back. And mid-speech with arms still in the air, a huge huge sneeze came up causing me to bend down.

He laughed and came towards me. I was about to come back with a smart retort but before I can do that, he sneaked a quick peck on my forehead. Shocked, I blinked furiously at him. Okay, this is new. But sweet. New. Weird. But not too bad.

Okay, I need to say something. SAY SOMETHING! This is getting awkward! COME ON!

I punched him on his arms and went, "Watch where you are going! Your lips just touched my forehead. Ewww!" I laughed and skipped away.

Sitting on the garden bench, swaying to the song that only she could hear. She waited patiently for him. The note that she left in his room, her first venture into asking him out. She had always enjoyed his company and vice versa. He is always teasing about them becoming a pair but she always choose to ignore them. Not anymore.

She checked her watch. 30 minutes late. She tugged her hair behind her ears and glanced around. Oh well.

The sky was getting darker by the minute. The fireworks were about to start. Where was he? Could it be that he didn't see the note? No, she saw him read it. She was getting worried. 1 hour late. She stood up and walked around the small garden. Except for a few homeless individuals, no one was around. She sat down on the bench again and waited. Drawing circles on the ground with her feet. Disappointment building up. Maybe she has been mis-reading his actions.

"Hey," she heard someone said. Finally! He's here! She glanced up expectantly with a grin on her face.

"Oh, hey. What are you doing here?" the smile disappeared as she realized that it was his brother. He has always been kind of a jerk. Always so competitive and rude.

"Cotton candy?" he offered and sat down next to her, " I am on my way to the carnival and saw you here waiting. The fireworks is about to start. Want to go catch it together?"

She sneaked a peek at him, wondering if he meant what he said. Don't look like it. He is actually smiling and offering her his cotton candy. She checked her watch one last time, took some cotton candy and nodded.

*At the carnival*

As they made their way through the crowd on the bridge, the firework lit up the sky in a burst of colors. She smiled but couldn't help to feel a little sad. She wished he was next to her instead of his brother. If he was here, she would be leaning on his shoulders. He would have stuffed her hands into his coat to keep her warm. And most importantly, he wouldn't be talking like his brother who is going on and on about how he had helped to make this carnival possible. Just shut up already!

As the fireworks came to an end, she saw a familiar figure standing at the end of the bridge. It's him! Did she get the meet-up location wrong? Oh no!

She raised her arms and was about to call out to him when she spotted another person next to him, holding on to his hands. The lady stood on her toes and kissed him before wrapping her arms around him.

She quickly turned away and when his brother saw what she's looking at, he commented, "That's E with his fiancée! What a lucky guy! She is quite a looker!"

She nodded and quickly wiped away the tears that was quickly welling up in her eyes. "I've got to go," she mumbled and ran away.

As he watched her retreating back, he pulled out a note that said, "Hey E, meet me at our garden bench @ 6pm! Let's head to the carnival! That's what couples do right?:P" He smirked and crushed that note. It took quite a bit of effort to make sure that his brother didn't get to read his message. Took a little more effort to convince him to go out with his 'fiancée'. But it was all worth it.

E has everything. Their father's approval. The looks. The brains. And probably the family business. She. She will be the one thing that he cannot have. The ONLY thing.